Flip the Page
A girl perpetually stuck in books, reviewing and recommending books to get you perpetually stuck in books.
This podcast will be highlighting fiction books across all genres from mainly Black authors. If you're struggling finding or deciding what books to read written by Black authors with Black characters and dope storylines, you've found the right place!
For those who love reading, those who don't love reading, and those yet to find their love of reading. This is a safe space, sis, so don't be afraid to tap in!
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Ep 20 | Why I Was Disappointed By This Highly Acclaimed Black Authors Romance Book
In today's episode of the podcast, we’re going to be tapping into a popular romance book, Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan.
Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan is a dual-POV, second chance romance that tells the story of Yasmen and Josiah Wade. Yasmen and Josiah were in a deeply loving relationship with two children and dreams of creating and nurturing a booming restaurant, when two devastating back-to-back losses hit the couple. Unable to navigate the strain the losses brought to her and their marriage, Yasmen asks for a divorce. Now a couple of years down the line, with her life starting to get back on track, Yasmen and Josiah coexist as co-parents to their children while juggling a thriving restaurant together.
With feelings bubbling beneath the surface, however, Yasmen and Josiah must confront if they’re truly capable of letting go and moving on from their relationship when a stolen kiss between the couple leads to an illicit affair that opens old wounds.
Another highly rated popular romance book I didn't care for. God, I'm such a damn cliché.[Intro Music] Welcome back to another episode of Flip the Page, your podcast for book reviews of books written primarily by black authors. I'm your host, Zo, and today we're going to be tapping into a popular romance book. Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan. Content warning for depression, miscarriage, stillborn, suicidal ideation and death. Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan is a dual point of view second chance romance that tells the story of Yasmen and Josiah Wade. Yasmen and Josiah were in a deeply loving relationship with two children, and dreams of creating and nurturing a blooming restaurant. When two devastating back to back losses hit the couple. Unable to navigate the strain the losses brought to her marriage and herself, Yasmen asked for a divorce. Now a couple of years down the line with her life starting to get back on track, Yasmen and Josiah co-exist as co-parents to their children while juggling a thriving restaurant together. With feelings bubbling beneath the surface, however, Yasmen and Josiah must confront if they're truly capable of letting go and moving on from their relationship, when a stolen kiss between the couple leads to an illicit affair that opens old wounds. The book dives into themes of grief and loss, as Yasmen and Josiah grapple with the schism that occurred in their relationship due to their contrasting responses to the loss. Yasmen, who fell apart at the seams as she struggled to live on after the loss and Josiah, who shouldered on opting to bury himself in his work rather than confront his grief and emotions. As a perpetual judge- a-book-by-the-cover-er(?), I wasn't prepared at all for the heaviness of the topics that were discussed in this book, but I will say that Kennedy Ryan’s pen sketched out these heavy feelings and moments with ease and allowed me to really resonate and feel the complex emotions that her characters were going through. Now, where she lost me was the romance. Beyond this point, spoilers abound. If you don't want to be spoiled, you can skip ahead to get my final thoughts on the book. If you don't mind, stay seated. Did I enter this novel with a preconceived notion that it was going to be three packs of ass when I peeped the praise quote from one Miss Colleen Hoover on the front cover? I sure did. Sue me. I do want to preface my thoughts though, by saying it is by no means the writing style or prose that turned me off to the book. I actually enjoyed the book from a stylistic point. Where the book lost me was with the choices made in terms of the relationship progression and the overall execution of the rekindling of the relationship between Yasmen and Josiah, in this story. I am not beating the dislikes everything mainstream allegations anytime soon, I fear. But is it really my fault when this is what y'all got topping the charts?? No shade. This is how I know y'all aren't #lovers for real. Let's unpack. Josiah and Yasmen were a married couple, madly in love with each other when two losses left their marriage in shambles. They lose, Byrd. Josiah's aunt and parental figure, after both his parents croaked in a car accident when he was young. Oh my God, not croaked. And they lose their third child, Ben, after Yasmen trips and falls at their restaurant, leading her to deliver a stillborn. After the loss of Ben, Yasmen spirals into a deep depression while Josiah entrenches himself in work to move past the losses. The contrast in their response to the loss caused a major rift in their relationship, that ends in an argument where Yasmen asks Josiah for a divorce. The story takes place two years following their divorce, with Yasmen and Josiah living up the street from each other as they co-parent their children while running their restaurant. Now in a much better place than two years prior, that attraction towards each other starts growing more potent, leading to an illicit affair sparking between the two that has Josiah and Yasmen questioning whether their relationship can be revived or if the history and pain between the two is too much to reconcile.[Deep sigh]. Second chance romance. To spin the block or not to spin the block? In theory and practice, I'll confess I am a believer in spin in the block. However, when it comes to spinning the block, whether it be inna real life or a second chance romance story, it's just a short little checklist that needs to be cleared before I can fully buy in. Number one. Have the couple addressed what went wrong in their relationship and the parts they each played in what went wrong. Number two. Have reconciliation and convey between each person in the relationship what GROWTH and CHANGES. That's GROWTH and CHANGES that they've each made that will prevent the same mistakes from occurring again. And lastly, Number three. SHOW me, show being the operative word, show me a genuine connection and love between the couple on the page. I fear when it comes to these three things in this book, not one of them I can say was checked off for me. Especially when it came to one person in particular in the couple. All in all, this book missed the mark when it came to all these things for me. Part One. We get it... sex sells. We're going to just go in a random order and kick things off with item number three on the checklist. Show me a genuine connection and love between the couple on the page. One of my main gripes with Second Chance Romance is that the couple has a preexisting romantic relationship that has been established outside the pages of the book, I'd be cool with it if I felt authors invested enough real estate on the pages they got, showing me that this alleged love and connection between a couple is for real. Before I Let Go, suffered turribly from this. TURRIBLY. Mmmm... no shade outside a strong physical and sexual connection, nary a romance was seen by me in those pages. Like I get it. Sex sells. Me too, I like some sexual tension and some nasty, dutty, gutter butt scenes. But when the sex is overshadowing or coming at the expense of showing a genuine connection and relationship being explored or re-explored in this instance and rebuilt, I gotta throw tomatoes. I don't know, this was a romance book last time I checked, right? So where is it? Where is the romance? At the beginning of the story, it's clear Josiah and Yasmen are co-parents to their two children, who co-exist amiably for the sake of their kids, and the restaurant. It's also clear that they have respect for each other, as they don't take to any third party talking slick about the other, including their kids. Early in the story, it's revealed Josiah is dating Vashti, the head chef of the restaurant he co-owns with Yasmen. Because sleeping where you eat isn’t a recipe for disaster... and Yasmen feels betrayal and jealousy about this new development, because she still loves Josiah and also feels like Josiah's new bae is replacing her. Especially when she sees Vashti around her kids. Josiah, on the other hand, clearly is using that relationship as a means to get over Yasmen and inevitably ends the relationship when he accepts that he ain't over Yasmen and realizes it's not fair for him to be elbows deep in a relationship while his thoughts are still on his ex-wife, even when he's tangled up in the sheets with Vashti. following the end of that relationship, Yasmen and Josiah finally succumb to the attraction and tension between them and start sleeping together. After sleeping together for a while, Yasmen accepts, yeah, I still love this man, tells Josiah that she loves him and wants to try things again with him for real. At first, Josiah is not having it and leaves her in the dust- ugh miserable - before inevitably realizing that he still loves her too and wants to try again, and they get back together. Throughout all of this. Throughout all of these ongoings, all these events that was happening. I was set up in my bed wondering when the hell the romance was going to hit. When the hell I would see Josiah and Yasmen have interactions that weren't latent with sarcasm and shade and allow me to see what actually brought them together. When the hell I was gonna see what they connected on. When the hell I was going to see some banter highlighting their chemistry outside the physical. When the hell I was going to see physical contact, you know, maybe a touch that wasn't latent in the explicit? But instead highlighted familiarity or tenderness or care that existed between them? I don't know. It kinda gave like... Don't drag me for this. Do not drag me for this. But I feel like- what I'm going to say makes sense. It kind of gave like the stereotype for like, black love. You know, I feel like some people think that, like, black love can't be, like, romantic. You know, like there's no romance that happens in black love. Listen, I'm not even a #blacklove advocate. That don't mean I'm swirling, either, but I'm not a- I'm not really all, like, full on black love advocate, but I feel like there's a stereotype that black love can't be romantic. I was also sat wondering when the hell they were going to have some insightful conversation between the two of them outside their kids or their loss... or building generational wealth. Oh my God. Free me. Free me. This book just had me feeling like Oliver Twist, begging for a morsel of something! Outside of sexual connection. Having kids together. Running a restaurant together. There wasn't really much else to their relationship. I felt this book shoves this idea of them loving each other and being a great couple down my throat by having them repeat it in their thoughts when they would reminisce. But when it came to their actual interactions and conversations...#BlackLove down. I ain't seeing it, babes. I'm just seeing two people who happened to have kids together. Who happen to run a restaurant together, who experienced loss. Which is all great, but outside of that, who are they together? I can honestly say I do not know. There was a part in the book, before their grown ass that started sneaky linking, where Josiah talks about how Yasmen still turns him on and will probably be turning him on until she's 80. And I just had to smile and wave because that's all their relationship gave, outside the grief and loss. Like we get it. She gets your [redacted] hard. And yes, Yasmen, I've heard, I've heard. He be having your coochie turning into the Super Soaker 5000. But what else? What else is there? Not much. I do feel a big reason for this lackluster development was due to the depth of the grief and conflict that they had to unpack and work through. Which, mind you, I still got my gripes with how that was handled, but I'm going to hold that for later. Maybe there wasn't enough room to insert the type of connection and romance I was looking for to give validity to their relationship, because word of mouth and some kids wasn't enough for me. But then again, it was room for Josiah to turn Yasmen every which way, but loose on multiple surfaces. So we could have squeezed in some meaningful conversations and some non-sexual intimacy that just provided me a window into the depth genuity of their connection and relationship. Part Two. The Blame Game. Moving on to the first point on my checklist. Having the couple addressed what went wrong in their relationship and the part they each played in it. Now this... this is where you're going to feel me start to get pissed off because it was way too much blame shifted onto my sister Yasmen for the dissolution of their marriage and not nearly enough accountability or, quite frankly, groveling and reflection by Josiah on the parts he played in the failure of their marriage. I don't know if it was purposeful, but there was this air of dismissiveness around what Yasmen went through with her miscarriage. During an argument in present day, when Yasmen tells Josiah that yes, she asked for the divorce, but Josiah agreed to it. Josiah responds saying, “Is that how you remember it? Because I remember the worst possible thing happening to us both. To this family. And you shutting me out.” Now hold on to your purse, panties and boxer briefs because I'm about to shake the table a bit. Although I think the following statement should nudge the table at most. The magnitude of the loss Josiah and Yasmen experienced in regards to her miscarriage is not the same. I'll repeat for the people in the back. The magnitude of the loss Josiah and Yasmen experienced in regards to her miscarriage is not the same. And this isn't me minimizing what Josiah went through by any means. It's just me underscoring and bolding what Yasmen went through. When Josiah talks about the worst possible thing happening to both of us, it's a huge element that he seems to be just taken out of account. You didn't go through what she went through, babes. She fell Alone in your restaurant. Was bleeding out on the floor, had a miscarriage, and had to physically deliver a stillborn. Yes, Josiah, you also lost your son and experienced the trauma, grief and loss that comes with that. However, there is an emotional, psychological, and physical trauma that comes with being the one physically who went through these traumatic events that you're just not factoring into this equation, whenever this man brings up the past in conversation with Yasmen. And it's beyond irritating. Yasmen talks about how for months, she couldn't walk through their restaurant because she would see physically and feel emotionally what happened to her on that hardwood floor. Two years post loss, anxiety and panic still threatened to consume her when she walks through their restaurant. Again. This trauma she went through, I feel was dismissed and remains dismissed until maybe the last pages of the novel, where Josiah's internal thoughts reveal a revelation he has that, oh, she struggled and fought to be there for her family, and still it’s not enough for me. Because why isn't this being aired out in conversation? I can't, in good faith, say I was rooting for their relationship when I don't feel he ever truly sees what she experienced and acknowledges or apologizes for his dismissiveness of what she experienced. Going back to the second half of the quote where Josiah talks about the worst possible thing happening to them both, and then proceeding to say Yasmen shut him out. This brings us to the issue of the divorce, specifically, what brought the divorce about, what they each took from the divorce and what steps they took after to better equip them if they were to ever fall into the same situation. Following her miscarriage, quite literally, Yasmen was on the ropes fighting for her damn life. Yasmen was struggling beneath the weight of her grief to get up every day, live and be a present parent to her kids, at least physically. At the same time, she was struggling underneath the weight of a crumbling marriage, as they had been clashing viciously ever since losing their child, due to their responses to that loss. Yasmen discusses speaking with her therapist about how her physical pain, which was back pain and headaches, was likely caused by stress and contributed to her apathy and exhaustion, which was only exacerbating her depression. Things had gotten so bad in their marriage that she felt as though she was suffocating in the house, and she just had to get out. In a flashback of their final argument they had where Yasmen asks for a divorce, Josiah voices his frustrations with Yasmen being due to her inability to, for lack of better words, pick herself up out of her grief and not hide herself away, after losing their child. Yasmen responds to this by voicing her own frustrations with his inability to grieve. How he's buried himself at work and doesn't come home. At an accusation that she's not taking care of her children and giving up on their marriage, Yasmen voices her struggle with depression, and describes how it physically pains her to get out of bed and live, but she does it every day for her children, so he can't be telling her that she's not taking care of their kids. Yasmen also voices how she's tried to fight for their marriage, but he's not there. He's busy working at their restaurant, which understandable because at this point the restaurant is struggling bad. Ultimately, though, Yasmen asks for a divorce because of the pain the relationship is causing her, on top of the pain she's feeling from her grief and depression. It's a lot easier for her to cut out that one source of the pain, being their marriage, than it is for her to cut out the other source of her pain, which is the devastation of her loss. And sure, she'll be lonely losing their marriage, but it's one less pressure to manage. And sorry, the results show me it wasn't a bad idea. Which brings us back to Josiah talking about how Yasmen shut him out. He also shut her out. He wasn't willing to open himself up to engage with her in conversation around their grief. And I just feel he refuses to acknowledge that and have a conversation with Yasmen about it throughout the whole story. And it pisses me off to no end. Following their divorce, Yasmen talks about the immense relief she felt. Though, the divorce was hard, there was a relief she felt to have only one thing to save. Not her marriage, but herself. This statement. This statement right there, is where the author lost the [redacted] out of me when she went on to have Yasmen say that the divorce was a mistake, at the end of the book, when Yasmen and Josiah are reconciling. Soooo... you're telling me... she should have stuck in that marriage, feeling suffocated under the weight of her grief, depression and loss, fighting for her [redacted] life, while also feeling suffocated by a marriage that was collapsing around her because their loss had led them to a serious schism in their relationship, that they just could not work through. A schism, that you have not convinced me, would have been repaired in time if they hadn't divorced. Because no shade. That man did not want to confront any of his emotions or grief until a certain point post divorce. And it wasn't for their marriage. Not to mention, during that period she had asked him to go to therapy with her and he refused. Listen, my sister would have definitely found some rope at some point if she stayed in that union. You'd be hard pressed to convince me that if they hadn't divorced or at least separated, she would have been afforded the breathing room and flexibility to start working with a therapist on sorting through her grief and depression. To then have her turn around and say the divorce was a mistake. Girl I almost spat. I almost spat. This is bondage. This is bondage. Free yourself. And this all ties into the second thing on my checklist. Having reconciliation occur between the couple and conveying what growth and changes each person has made, that will prevent the same mistakes from occurring again. And they do unpack a lot of this in conversation with each other. How they worked through their grief in different ways or didn't, and how it- girl, not the shade. How they worked through their grief in different ways, and how it fractured their relationship. Yasmen also talks about how she needed Josiah to sit with her in her grief and when he wouldn't, they clashed and this clash upended their marriage, and she couldn't bear the weight of fighting to save both the marriage and herself. And you also have, Josiah admit more than once that he should have tried to understand her during that time. All this is discussed at some point in the story. Yet after they've started hooking up with each other and Yasmen expresses a desire to try again, Josiah brings up the fact that while he didn't give up on them, she did. She didn't fight for them. The [redacted] audacity on this [redacted] chest. Oh my God, I almost swung. Can you imagine? I was squaring up with some paper. I was squaring up with some paper because I wanted to swing on this [redacted]. Because I'm looking around. I'm looking left. I'm looking right. I'm looking up, I'm looking down, I'm looking sideways. I'm looking back ways front ways. She didn't fight for your marriage? Okay... you didn’t fight either. The fight you allegedly put up for your marriage was misguided as hell. All [redacted] shade. He's so fixated on how Yasmen hurt him and her betrayal. And it's like... uhhhh... sister was literally going to kill herself. But I guess that doesn't factor in. And this is my underlying issue with this couple, and why I've been dragging Josiah so much in this episode. He severely lacks self-awareness. I just can't do it. I can't, I can't, I can't. Yasmen is sitting here, has admitted to all her faults - some I don't even believe she's guilty of, to be honest - and the ways that she contributed to the downfall of their marriage. Meanwhile, we're nearing the last page of this novel and Josiah is still sat up here... sat up here assigning blame and pointing an accusatory finger at Yasmen for betraying their marriage. Harping on about an inability to trust her again after she abandoned him first. Hold on [redacted] Abandoned whom? Now... couldn't I do a Uno reverse and say that you abandoned her first, when you refused to confront your grief with her? When you refuse to go to therapy with her? Where’s the- where's- where’s the self-reflection? What are we learning? What are we learning? What are we learning? Not much. And maybe this isn't his fault, or lack of betrayal of what he went through post divorce. But he also talks about how while Yasmen barely survived their first divorce, he isn't sure that he did survive. And again, I'm lifting up the book. I'm looking down, I'm looking up. I'm looking left because I have not seen no indication that this man was fighting for his life at any point in this story. What's the truth, Josiah? The portrayal of their grief is also very imbalanced for me, and I understand that that's a reflection of their responses to the loss, but even when he was shown responding to the loss. And when he was shown breaking down, it was really just like a couple, 1 or 2- Actually, I think it was just one in reference to the loss. Just one short moment in the story, and I don't know. His thoughts never really reflected him feeling deep grief towards their loss. If anything, he seems to harbor more feelings and anger over their divorce than the miscarriage. And it ain't shade, but facts when I say he had more energy for her quote unquote betrayal than he did the losses. And that's his prerogative. But when I backdrop that fact with the blame that is being placed on Yasmen for the dissolution of their marriage, when from y'all's initial response to the loss, she is portrayed as experiencing more trauma and grief from the loss. What do you want me to do with that? What do you want me to do with that, Kennedy? How am I supposed to make that work and give them my own stamp of approval that rekindling this relationship is a good idea, when I'm already looking at him sideways for refusing to acknowledge these truths? It was only by the literal last few pages of the novel, that he seemed to understand how much Yasmen had been fighting for them before, she just couldn't anymore. And I still don't feel like he understood the impact his actions following the loss of their child had on the end of their marriage or Yasmen. Nor did he apologized enough, in my eyes. So you want me to look at this man, just coming to this half assed conclusion about her being a strong woman, no Popcaan, by the books closing... and not even fully understanding, nor taking accountability for the gravity of his past actions in conversation with Yasmen, and get up and cheer when they finally get together in the following pages...? Oh baby, trust and believe, my ass stayed seated. You ain't about to lay a dookie in my hands and expect me to clap. Their reconciliation of rekindling of their romance was rushed and I feel like Josiah got off so damn easy. I just can't support that. I can't. This is not for lovers. This is not for lovers. Flip or skip. This book was a hard ass skip for me, and I can't even remember what exactly I rated it, but I know it was low. I know it was low. Let me leave everything up has to be low as hell. story graph. Your servers. Your servers are slow. You need to do something about that. Your servers are slow before anyone come. For me, it's not my internet because I've used story graphs. I tried to open story graph in many a location and the servers are always slow. You need to do something about that, sweetie. Let me look up this writing. 02.5 I'm going to lower that to a two actually right now, because even reflecting on this book. Yeah, it's a two. Again, love the prose. Hated the plot. I just couldn't buy into the rekindling of the relationship. And also this book was longer, so this book was long as hell. And now I'm just thinking all the pages, and you couldn't insert some romance up in there to underscore the connection. So romance that wasn't rated M, and then in the same breath, all the pages. And I couldn't see Josiah having a conversation with Yasmene where I can see him taking accountability for the parts that he played in the dissolution of their marriage. Yeah, it's a job for me. Anyhow, if she made it to the end of this episode. Thank you so much for watching! Comment, like and subscribe if you enjoyed and I'll catch you in the next episode. You can tell that I'm still pissed off with this shit. Hashtag black love. Until next time. Buh bye.
