Flip the Page
A girl perpetually stuck in books, reviewing and recommending books to get you perpetually stuck in books.
This podcast will be highlighting fiction books across all genres from mainly Black authors. If you're struggling finding or deciding what books to read written by Black authors with Black characters and dope storylines, you've found the right place!
For those who love reading, those who don't love reading, and those yet to find their love of reading. This is a safe space, sis, so don't be afraid to tap in!
Flip the Page
Ep 14 | Unplanned: Supporting Black Single Moms
After a likkle hiatus, we're back with another episode of Flip of Page. Today we're going to be talking about Unplanned by Natalie K. Martin.
Unplanned is an adult contemporary fiction novel that tells the story of 38-year-old Zoe, whose been traveling the world for the past 11-years with her long-time boyfriend, Sam and currently settled down in Australia. When Zoe suddenly learns she’s pregnant, Sam’s disinterest in a child has her reevaluating the compromises and choices she’s made in her relationship and life. Choosing to separate herself from Sam, Zoe returns home to London. When her best friend challenges her to create a pre-baby bucket list, Zoe is forced to look at her life from a different perspective as she strives to determine what she really wants and whether that “want” includes a man or not.
[Intro Music] Hey, y'all. So yes, if the four of you tuned in to the podcast didn't notice. There's kind of a big gap between this episode and the last. I was just doing some reshuffling in my life and decided to put a pause on the podcast to get myself together. But we back and better than ever. I hope Welcome to episode 14 of Flip the Page. I’m your host, Zo. And in today's episode, we're going to be tap tap tapping into Unplanned by Natalie K. Martin. Unplanned is an adult contemporary fiction novel that tells the story of 38 year old Zoe. Oh, we in the old ****** business. We in the old ****** business. So Zoe has been traveling the world for the past 11 years with her long time boyfriend, Sam, and they're currently settled down in Australia. When Zoe suddenly learns she's pregnant. Sam's disinterest in a child has her reevaluating the compromises and choices she's made in her relationship and her life. Choosing to separate herself from Sam Zoe returns home to London. When her best friend challenges her to create a pre-baby bucket list, Zoe is forced to look at her life from a different perspective, as she strives to determine what she really wants, and whether that want includes a man or not. Single parent hive, stand up! That actually sounds so... somehow, given that I'm not a single parent... I didn't mean it that way. What I mean to say is, I love single parent stories. Like, that's my type. No, Saweetie.. I think the way society perceives single motherhood and treats single mothers is abhorrent, to put it lightly. I can almost hear the collective gasps of horror and the sound of people clutching they pearls when the words baby mama are uttered. Like stay calm. Just look at the way people react to family members, you know, or even celebrities who have become single mothers. The perceptions and treatment of single mothers stems from misogyny and failure of said women to fulfill the model of a nuclear family. What is seen as the proper steps to bring a child into this world. You get a man date, get engaged, get married and pop a baby out of your cooch. You fumble one of these steps, especially as a black woman, and the type of words, verbs and slurs that will come out of the woodwork like, oh my God. Single mothers get behind me. Even people who express “concern” for single mothers are fighting a losing battle to not lace their opinions with misogyny. And yes, I'm putting concern in quotations because y'all couldn't pay me to believe that that concern is coming from a genuine place of care about the mother and/or child. So much time is spent disparaging a mother for how she ended up in her situation. People upholding themselves as some all-knowing and infallible beings, with all the answers for how to not become a single mother and why being a single mother is a failure. Rather than focusing on what's actually important. Support. Love. Let's get back to the basics, people. Reading a story like Unplanned, where support for a single mother is such a central part of the plot and actions of characters is a sight so pleasing to me. I also love a story that tugs on the wig of the nuclear family, because I'm not someone who prescribes to it or holds it as something that should be default in society- or exist at all if I'm keeping it a buck- it's been worn out the 50 odd years it's been established and it's proven to be a flop. Let's pack it up. We have thousands of years to reference showing that detracting from the nuclear family and instead investing in larger community better serves people. Community can be part of the solution to a lot of problems people deal with when it comes to loneliness, support, health, mental health, etc. Community might look like your family and extended family, but your blood family might not be the be all, end all of your community. And I'd even argue sometimes it shouldn't be. I absolutely adored how this story showed community rallying around Zoe to support her through single parenthood. Rather than looking at how she failed to create a nuclear family or sought out the nuclear family as a solution. The story does also feature a romance subplot for the romance girls tuning in that... I did eat it up- I did eat it up chile. I love a good romance subplot. Sub. Plot. Keywords. It ate. Left no crumbs. The progression of that dynamic was so sickeningly innocent and genuine and handled with such delicacy and care by the author. I almost straight writes while reading... Almost... Past this point are spoilers abound. Proceed at your own risk. Ye've been warned. Part One. Compromise aka Relationship Pitfalls. Compromise is suffering.[Giggles] Look. Oh, I'm a stubborn gyal. I'm a stubborn gyal. I know what I want. I want what I want. I like what I want, okay? Compromise is suffering. And I was not put on this floating rock to suffer at the hands of a useless, straight, cishet man. Compromises in relationships are something I have discussed at length with many people in my life. Me personally, I'm hard headed. It's not a lot of wiggle room with me. I feel like I got a decent set up for myself and my relationships, and it isn't a lot of negotiation that's about to be taken place for me. For me. I don't negotiate. This is not a hostage situation, what are we negotiating about? I'm so sorry. When it comes to compromises. Compromises can be great- for someone else, not my ass - oh, my God, I'm playing. And can help resolve issues in a relationship. When it comes to what exactly we're making compromises on, however... discretion is your best friend. It's one thing to compromise on where you want to place the kitchen table in the dining room, and a whole other thing when we're talking about making compromises over quitting your job and relocating for your partner, or whether or not you want to have a baby. A compromise requires concession, meaning you're sacrificing something when you make a compromise. Me? I'm not built to sacrifice, so sorry I don't make sacrifices. Has God not made ultimate sacrifice? Why should I now come to be making sacrifice? Exactly. Which is why I believe it's very important to have a thorough understanding of what you are willing to sacrifice and what you are not. Because, let's face it, love just isn't enough. Do you hear me? Love is not enough. Especially when the love in a relationship isn't exactly equally yoked. Failure to understand the importance of what you're compromising and how important it is to you, can lead to unhappiness and resentment in a relationship. Zoe is someone who is tied up in one of those“this-relationship-has-definitely-run-its-course-and-I'm-not-having-a-great-time- but-I've-been-in-it-so-long-I'm-just-going-to-stick-it-out” type of relationships. When she learns she's pregnant at the beginning of the story, she and Sam clash when Zoe realizes she wants to have the baby, something she realized that she compromised on for the sake of their relationship. Because Sam said he did not want to have kids. This revelation causes Zoe to reflect on the multitude of other things she's compromised on, to stay in a relationship with Sam that she gradually learns she was actually never okay with. Another thing Zoe had compromised on in their relationship was them being open. The reason being, Sam was a trifling, cheating ass prick of a man. I don't have anything nice to say about the man. not a single nice word to say about the man. So in order to navigate his appetite and desires for other people, Because he'd been tied at the ankles to one person for over a decade, as he so lovingly puts it, they decided to make their relationship open. What a great idea. Nothing could go wrong. Zoe had agreed and compromised because she loved Sam. But you see, at the beginning of the story, this definitely is not something she should have compromised on. As bitterness and mistrust toward Sam are seen in her thoughts, actions, and words towards him. Of course, it's important to note that the familiarity of the relationship paired with her relationship prior to Sam, ending in a horrendous cheating ass mess involving one of her ex-best friends, played a huge part in Zoe's reasons for making these compromises and remaining in her relationship with Sam for so long. There's a scene near the end of the novel when Sam contacts Zoe and apologizes for ignoring her messages, and calls the entire novel prior. Zoe instinctively tells him it's fine, but as the words leave her mouth, it's like her thoughts and introspection throughout the novel culminate into this breakthrough in that moment, and she admits to herself that it isn't fine. She'd been coasting in their relationship, accepting things and decisions made solely by Sam or for Sam’s benefit without fighting them, so as not to break this mirage of what she perceived to be a romantic relationship. Moving to Australia. Being in a open relationship. Not having a child. And she wonders how many other things she had accepted when in reality she wasn't okay with them at all. And it's through these realizations throughout the story and the bucket list she creates, that Zoe starts seeking out things she wants to do. I just found that moment of realization very powerful and satisfying in Zoe's journey. We love #GROWTH. We love wanting better for ourselves. Period. Part Two. Single Motherhood, Community, and Guilt. Zoe started her childhood in a two parent household, but an affair had her father abandon her and her mother for another family. This plays a huge part in Zoe desiring her child to have a relationship with Sam, despite his abandonment in the story. But that's a whole other situation. Zoe's best friend also grew up in a single parent household. Through her mother and her best friend's experience creating community that helped support them as single mothers, they knew what was necessary for Zoe as she entered this new chapter of her life. Community Through community, Zoe was able to land on her feet upon moving back to London and carve out a life for herself with financial, emotional and physical support of her family and friends around her. Motherhood is hard. Having a community around you to help ease the burdens that come with raising and providing for a child is vital for the well-being of both the mother and child. This story, and the way Zoe's community rallied around her and poured love into her, was a testament to how much love Zoe's Child is about to enter the world with. Throughout the story, Zoe deals with the guilt she feels towards her child. Community helps her dismantle some of these feelings of guilt However, this guilt she's feeling isn't on her in my opinion. It's on society. What’s reflecting back to Zoe when she looks in the mirror and feels guilt is how society perceives her. How society perceives single motherhood. As a failure. Someone who has opened their child up to suffering from jump. If only she’d chosen better. If only she'd vetted. If only she'd gotten more commitment from Sam to prevent this outcome. If only. If only. If only. Shame. Shame. Shame. That's what it comes down to. Shame. Shame and misogyny. Society is so busy shaming single mothers for their “mistakes”, when society needs to be more focused on support. What can we do to help this woman acclimate to life as a single mother? What can we do to support her so that she's not raising this child alone? What resources does she need? Come close. Imma tell y'all a secret. There's nothing wrong with single motherhood. I repeat for the people in the back. There is nothing wrong with single motherhood. Whether chosen or not chosen. What's wrong is disparaging someone for being a single mother. I feel like shifting the conversation from misogynistic accusations and Iyanla-coded advice to active and present communal support is a step that can be taken to rid society of this perception of single motherhood as unnatural and an inherent failure of a woman. That and dismantling patriarchy. Part Three Romance. I'm not even a romance girl. But you give me a romance subplot, Ouuuu I’mma get up every time. And dance til you feel better It’s no way I was going to end this episode without addressing the romance in this book. I know some people are going to frown when they learn the romance occurred between Zoe and her best friend's younger brother, Jude, and all I can say is grow up.[Giggles] No, but seriously, the romance was so adorable it almost made me sick. It was just very obvious that Jude had a crush on Zoe. This man was down so bad and you could see him testing the waters with Zoe, throwing out harmless, offhanded comments as bait to see if Zoe was interested. And my sister Zoe was not seeing the neon signs flashing in front of her. Even when she started crashing back on him she still couldn't clock it. Outside of them in a romantic sense, the way he showed up for her without expecting anything back- Is that the bare minimum? Chile. Now that I sit here and think about it... See why- ugh. Am I a romantic at heart? Maybe not. But the way he showed up for her was sweet. It was. Yeah. He basically hooked her up with an affordable apartment, renovated it free of charge, amongst a bunch of other things he did for her. Seeing Jude's desire to help out a friend stuck in a difficult situation and going out of his way, inconveniencing himself to help her with the smallest pains. I have to giggle. I have to giggle. They didn't even get to go there until the epilogue, which I actually appreciated because there were still some complications with Zoe's useless ass ex-boyfriend, Sam. Hold on. Quick segue for a minute. Y'all, when I tell you her ex Sam, pissed me clean off. Okay, so listen, near the end of the novel, my sister Zoe had left Sam in Australia and returned home at the beginning of the story. Right? Right. After moving to London, she'd been calling Sam and keeping him updated on her pregnancy via text. All of which he ignored. Right. That man didn't call or speak to her once after she left, and they'd been together over a goddamn decade. What he did do, though... what he DID do was show up unannounced at my sister's apartment in the last act of the novel. And of course, this had to happen after Zoe and Jude had kissed for the first time. Because it's just like they say when you start to taste happiness. When you start the taste peace. The devil himself will come knocking at your door. The minute you start to smile. The minute you start to feel the sun against your skin again. The minute you get a little pep in your step. The devil himSELF. Will come banging at your door to cover you in rain clouds. And knock that little skip out your step. But yeah. Amongst all that, with her annoying ass ex, my sister was also busy preparing to pop a watermelon out of her coochie. Like, let's give her time to breathe on the romantic relationship front. And Jude did. Twas cute. Straights ate for the first time in a minute for me. Flip or skip. Easily a flip for me. I gave this book 4.5 out of five stars. Whoa whoa whoa. It was just a very refreshing read for me. Love seeing a single mother being loved, protected, and supported by her community. Also, anytime a woman leaves a relationship, especially a useless ass relationship and comes to the realization that oh my God, life isn’t over and there's actually so much more out there for me to see and experience. Inject that straight into my veins. I will be copping a physical trust and believe. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of the pod. I'll be dropping episodes biweekly because I cannot actually come and kill myself.* are working.* are working babes. Okay. So stay tuned for the next episode. Buh bye.
